Now, I'm not saying I have got any answers to this, but many people have told me that reading my biography gave them strength to believe in their convictions and I thought that maybe if I described my own take on transgenderism and sexuality it might ring a bell with others too.  It's often said, and it makes perfect sense to me, that there are as many shades of sexuality and of gender as there are colours in the rainbow - no surprise therefore that the rainbow is the symbol used to indicate that a venue is gay. But the axes of sexuality and gender are perpendicular. WHAT? What I am trying to say is that your colour in the gender rainbow bears no connection whatsoever to your colour on the sexuality rainbow. One does not imply the other. In mathematical terms, they are mutually exclusive. This is an important thing to recognise. Just because you enjoy dressing as a member of the opposite sex, does not have any impact on your sexuality.So what about me then? Well, up until around 2 years ago, I would have classed myself as 100% straight and been riled if anyone suggested that my lack of interest in typically macho activities was anything other than a self-chosen right to be an individual. If you've read my rather lengthy biography, you will realise that the first idea that I had that anything was different was when I met a t*girl and found her attractive - hence my question at the top of this page about Miss Debonair.  But what exactly defines your sexuality? If you fancy t*girls, are you anything other than heterosexual, after all does fancying Marilyn Monroe make you a necrophiliac? What if you actually perform a sexual act with a t*girl, after all, your brain is probably still telling you that she is a girl despite certain visual clues otherwise. What if a t*girl or a guy performs a sexual act on you? Does it matter if one or both of you is dressed? And when you undress, doesn't the illusion of gender largely vanish anyway? Does any of this matter?For me the answers to all of these questions lies in the same place, in my brain! You are what you feel you are and that is all that matters. I am attracted (sexually) to t*girls and often them to me. I have experienced sexual acts between t*girls. So clinically, I supposed I would be classed as bisexual (as I still have a very healthy interest in genetic girls too). In my brain, I mostly fancy girls, regardless of their colour on the gender rainbow. So in that sense nothing has changed since before I even knew t*girls existed. At the end of the day, I suppose it depends on whether your sexuality is something you feel the need to explore and communicate or whether you are happy just to be, always remembering that sexuality is not necessarily connected to the act of having sex (being celebate does not, for example, change your sexuality). I can understand, especially for people whose lifestyle has always shunned or ridiculed gays, that the thought of not being totally at one end of the sexuality rainbow might be frightening. But run with it. Life is too short to battle with your internal conscience, after all, the only person who needs to know what sexuality you feel, is YOU! |
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| Originally written April 2003 Updated September 2004 |
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