Starting Out

I think I've lost count of how many times I've received e-mails along the lines of "I'm a T*Girl but I've never left the house. Where do I go to take my first steps". So it struck me it might be a good idea to lay out some of the answers here on my web-site and point people in this direction first to see if it answers any of their questions! Obviously the venues and groups given here are based in the UK but the principles apply anywhere in the world. How you take those first cautious steps 'out of the tranny closet' depends largely on how far progressed you are with your cross-dressing. For the sake of painting a picture, I've taken three examples: The Wannabe You have no clothes, wig, make-up or anything else, just a burning desire to dress as a woman. The Beginner You have the basics (clothes, wig, shoes) but not much practice at putting the whole thing together. The First Timer You have everything you need and are even practised at make-up but need the confidence to step out into the wide transvestite world. There are, of course, all manner of shades and colours between, below and above these three examples, but it's those girls that fall into these categories who seem to need the most coercing, assistance and help.
The Wannabe
I guess this is where I started out so this is familiar territory for me! You really have 2 options: Go out and buy everything you will need, a wig, shoes, clothes, make-up (and lessons in how to use it), underwear, breast-forms (although you can stuff your bra with socks initially - I did!) and all those other tranny essentials; or Go to a reputable dressing service. The advantage of (1) is that once you have everything you need, you will be able to go out as often as you like, however there are some major downsides to this option. Firstly it takes a lot of patience, and time, to gather everything and get sufficiently profficient with make-up to feel comfortable enough to go out. Also, believe it or not, I reckon this is more expensive than (2) not least because you will end up getting numerous items of clothes and pairs of shoes that don't fit or otherwise don't work for you before you settle on an outfit you actually like. As for make-up, this can take years and years of practise to get right without someone to give you a helping hand. For a night out with a dressing service, expect to pay upwards of UK£250 including a hotel and transport. This might sound a lot but compared to the cost of putting a whole outfit together it isn't really. A wig could easily cost UK£100 on its own, shoes UK£50, clothes another UK£100 and you're soon spending more than the dressing service would cost you. OK, so at the end of the night you have to give it all back, but you will have taken those important first steps, and done it looking great and feeling great too. Can I recommend any dressing services? Yes! If you want a night out at a good tranny club (such as Trans-MISSION) or at the theater or to go for a meal, you can get no better than Jodie Lynn at The Boudour or Josie at Adam and Eve. These girls will put you right at ease and chances are you'll end up on a night out with loads of other fun t*girls too. If you'd rather spend an evening in in a nice apartment drinking champagne (or tea) or feel that a photo-shoot is more your thing, Pandora De'Pledge Image Works is worth a look (though the aforementioned Jodie excels in this area too). Pandora (who is a transsexual herself) doesn't organise as many nights out, but has a large portfolio of fabulous photos that have been taken at specially arranged studio sessions. There are lot of other dressing services but I have no experience of them so can not vouch for the quality of the product! There are links to trustworthy ones (including ones recommended to me by other tranvestites) on my links pages.
The Beginner
This is a situation that a lot of girlz (grrls and other tranny abbreviations used to differentiate ourselves from the crowd!) find themselves in. They've been dressing at home for a while, playing with make-up and buying lots of clothes, and want to go out, but they worry that their skills aren't good enough and that this will leave them feeling bad about how they look or that people will poke fun at them. Firstly - unless you happen across a real bitch (and there are the odd few around, 'odd' being the operative word) - other transvestites are almost universally welcoming to newcomers. We all started somewhere and you will find that other girls are more than willing to befriend you and lend a few words of advice to help you along your way. Don't, however, expect to receive a free make-over from girls enjoying a night-out with their friends; they are there to have fun, not to give lessons on the application of eyeliner, blusher, mascara and so on! Chatting with them about such items, as well as the oft enlightened tranny discussion of shoes, lingerie and fashion, will often, however, yield a wealth of experience about what works, what doesn't, what looks tarty, what looks classy, who is doing what to who, how, Doctor Who and Star Trek. If you think you are in the 'beginner' category, I would recommend going along to one of the friendly social groups who meet all around the country, to chat with other girls in a non-threatening environment. Somewhere like the Philbeach Hotel on a Monday night would be suitable. A list of local groups can be found on the Beaumont Society web-site (though I would add that having attended a few of the society's own social events myself, some of the trannies looked more like the two 'housewives' in the Bounty kitchen roll advert than the glamorous vixens more usuall associated with the transgender scene). A hot transgender night-club such as the WayOut probably isn't for you yet as it's not such an easy-going atmosphere. What's needed is somewhere that there will be lots of other girls around all chatting over a drink, instead of in a club setting where people often keep their chat within their existing social circles (dare I suggest their existing social 'cliques'?) Again there are links to some groups on my links pages, though there are many more groups than I could ever do justice too. Joining an internet community such as the UK Angels or Rose's will help you to find out where your local group is - most sizeable towns have one and many cities have more than one. Most meet monthly, though some are more regular and some even arrange special events (days out, trips to night clubs and so on).
The First Timer
This is all a matter of confidence. I often wonder what budding t*girls expect to happen when they step out in public. Will a hoard of tranny-bashers hunt them down and beat them up? Will everyone laugh at them? Will they be a source of ridicule? The answer to all these questions is NO (usually!) Most people encountering a tranny in public do not even do a double-take. They see a girl, and their brain satisfied, they continue about their business. Some people do look twice but in a way that's a compliment: it means they weren't quite sure you were a girl. Think about it, they're not looking because they spotted that you were some wierdo guy in a dress, just that as a girl, something didn't quite add up! There's also the issue of leaving the house with the possibility of your neighbours (and depending on your social circumstances, your family) seeing you and working out that it's 'Jim from next-door' and then your secret is out. This is more difficult and is why, like Vampires, many t*girls only appear after dark. So you've made it out of the front door and into your car (or a taxi), where should you go? Well if you're in London, a club like Trans-MISSION is ideal. In fact when Jasmine and I established Trans-MISSION we did so specifically with the intention of making it somewhere first-timers could go and feel relaxed. Other t*girl specific clubs are a great place to go too - there's a list of them plus reviews on my venue review pages. Another place you could go is a gay bar. Generally speaking gays are accepting (if not wholly understanding - but then who is) of t*girls and if you just want to go somewhere for a drink to break that first-time barrier, a local gay pub or bar can be great, non-threatening fun. My biggest piece of advice would be to make like the Nike advert and 'JUST DO IT'. Bottle up whatever nerves you feel and put a cork in that bottle. Then put that bottle at the back of your closet. Step out with pride, hold your head up high, and go for it. Be confident, even if you don't feel it, as it's our body language that betrays us most. Look happy and people will just smile and walk on. Look nervous and people will want to understand why. Once you have taken those first steps and gone out to a club or bar you will NEVER look back. It's an exhilarating experience and you will want to do it again, and again, and again. And again! (And again.)
First Published: December 2003 Last Updated: July 2008

Back

This page has been viewed 4681 times. Last visited 1 hours, 52 minutes ago. Last updated Sat 30 Aug 2008.