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Age: | 30something |  |
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| Star sign: | Virgo (the virgin!) | ||
| Height: | 6ft 7in (2m01) - in heels ;-) | ||
| Shoe size: | 9 UK (11 US) As long as they have a high-heel! | ||
| Dress size: | 12/14 UK | ||
| Name: | A combination of my real name, a street where I lived and a character in the Simpsons (and, it would seem, a toy in Kinder Surprise!) |
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| Location: | London, UK |
People have often asked me 'why?' Why do I dress? It's a question that I've been battling with for a short time compared to many and I don't think I have any solid reasoning yet but I thought I'd try and express my thoughts so far in the hope that it might help me get it straighter in my own mind.
Am I a girl trapped in a man's body? No, I don't think so. Well, I don't want to be a girl all the time that's for certain. The complications that it would cause in my life outwardly would not, for me, bring anything to offset them and I guess that is a measure if how strongly I feel about it. Having said that, most if not all of the important people in my life know (a little) about what I'm doing. I figured that firstly they were all open minded individuals (which has 100% proven to be true - actually, a slight digression, the number of trannies that I've spoken to who, when having revealed their true colours and have received a warm, understanding response is unbelievable, the moral here being don't be too afraid to tell people) and secondly that there would be no chance for black-mail and no feeling of unease for me if there was any gossip. My family, my boss, my closest friends, all know and whilst not particularly interested, at least I don't have to pretend or hide anything. What I do know and have only really realised recently, is that I can sometimes be quite girly in my daily life. I've never enjoyed football, mending cars nor the great outdoors but I do like cooking, sophisticated nights out and jewellery. Dressing is the ultimate outlet for this side of my personality and I feel quite comfortable in my en femme role. Since realising this, I have not been worried about become a little more feminine in my every day life too, and am happy that this is an integral part of my personality rather than something that needs to be hidden away. My friends knowing about my dressing means that I feel I don't need to act all macho around them either, putting me more at ease in my whole life.
I like the idea of being noticed, not necessarily being famous, but at least being regarded as special or different. I been a DJ since I was 14 and love being looked up to by a crowd of 1,500 people or so. It's not a power thing, I was never interested in controlling the crowd, nor in abusing the situation, just in getting their attention and especially in walking around and having people point or come up to me and say, 'you're that DJ aren't you'. That is was what mattered. I love the idea of dressing up and going out and being seen. I don't dress when I'm at home - there's no point, no one is there to see me. But offer me the chance to go out to a club and be noticed, and I'll be there. Now that I'm getting a bit more confident with my look, I'm even tempted to go out dressed to birthday parties and so on (not that anyone's invited me to do that though, so better leave that project on the back burner for a bit - maybe I should arrange my next birthday party at Trans-MISSION and invite other folk along instead?), so that rather than sitting in a corner and being just good old me, I'll attract a bit of attention. I guess that a psychologist would have a field day with this side of my personality.
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| Which do you prefer? | |
I can not believe that so many women who are blessed with such naturally beautiful faces and bodies, insist on hiding themselves in horrid, dull clothes (note that I don't bring make-up into this, people who are naturally beautiful don't need it. I, sadly, do.) Walk down any high street and count the proportion of women wearing jeans and a t-shirt, or even worse, trainers. 4 out of 5? This is abominable. It's like painting the Taj Mahal in magnolia paint and filling in the intricate stonework with polyfilla. There are lots of variations on this lack-lustre theme, leggings, sweatshirts and chunky flat-soled boots, for example, but all of them make a woman look dreadful. Now if you're decorating the back bedroom, or cleaning the house, or anything that requires some practical attire, then fine, wear something appropriate. But if you're going out of the house and are going to be seen, make the most of what you have. In wearing elegant or sexy dresses, skirts and high heels I feel that in some way I am saying to those women, 'look, if I can make the effort, so can you.' Kind of like shaming them into action. I don't suppose they see it that way, they probably just think that I'm odd, but in my head, that is the statement I am making and if you talk to me you'll find that I'm quite passionate about it! I read somewhere that you should never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. Same thing here, never dress like a camel, you will probably end up marrying one.
Each time you move on in life, whether to a new school, new job or new relationship you get a chance to re-invent yourself. To start afresh. There have been lots of things in my life that I'm not proud of (stuff that I would have done better given the chance again). Vicky is another new start for me, and is a part of my life I hope I can get right and be proud of. I take pride in my work, I like to think I have done a good job. I take pride in making sure the place that I live is clean and welcoming and people are treated well when they come to visit. But being proud of being who and what I am is an ultimate achievement. Being proud of yourself is more than just being comfortable with it. It means that not only do you understand and feel settled with yourself but that you want other people to share in your sense of achievement. I know that they say that 'pride cometh before a fall' but that's a different kind of pride. That's showing off. My pride is a more personal kind, so that I can fall asleep at night enjoying being who I am.
I have some good friends, have had for a long time. But they're slowly becoming family oriented, with kiddies and stuff which means that there are less serious party people to go out at the weekend with. In this sense, I see dressing as more like being in a social club with people with a common interest. I get a chance to meet up and talk about stuff in which we have a shared connection, and also finding out the differences between people, what makes them individual. Just because two people are trannies, doesn't mean they share anything else in common at all. I also get to go out and do fun things and visit new and interesting places. I work long hours and other than my work colleagues, don't get to meet many people socially otherwise so this is welcome.
I bet there's other reasons too, ones that I'm not aware of. Answers on a postcard...?!
 View my full-length biography |
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